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2009









Hot off the NWP news wire:
My Dearest David -
I'm fighting through a deluge of tears to write you this letter...
I just got done watching porn with my parents (like we do every Tuesday at the O'Day household), and I must tell you that we are all sadly disappointed. I never thought of you as a foot fetish kinda guy, but I have to admit that every time you tried to get close to my vag with a Reebok, I got a little squeamish.
Also, that one time I woke up in the middle of the night with your big toe in my ass crack...you said that it was for a psychology experiment, but you never even finished high school. Puzzling.
It all adds up to one thing: I'm off to do more nude spreads for Playboy, because my definition of "sexually normal" is obviously more evolved than yours.
Seriously, foot fucker.
I know that I still have some shit at your house...mostly smeared on your socks. Keep it. Let it remind you that you're a depraved pervert...but you'll always be my first foot-fucking asshound.
Aubrey
PS - Even though you eagerly signed up, the family decided that it would just be weird if you brought the tossed salad to the family reunion. Sorry if you already bought the ingredients.