**Official** Masturbation Thread

I do work once or twice a day. Starts with my cock having absolutely no ambitions but me being bored so I get myself hard and fire up Youporn/Redtube/Boysfood (All phenomenal sites). I then choose a clip. Length of clip doesn't really matter but I do like clips where the girl is dressed at first. I have a hard time beating off to a porn that starts immediately with a girl getting ass pounded. The porn clip is almost always between one chick and one dude. It can't have more than one guy and it can't have a nigger cock in it. Standard right, black dudes are gross? I try to look for porn clips of chicks who look like girls I know in real life. lol. I go at it raw dog in my bed 95% of the time I beat off. Sometimes I want to change it up by standing or something crazy like that but it usually results on me back on the bed. I have never stuck anything into my poop shoot while cranking one out. I keep a box of tissues on my nightstand to catch the spunk, my waste basket is fucking littered with filthy kleenex. Anyways does anyone have any good sites like the ones I listed with large libraries? That would be crucial since I have destroyed youporn, I have seen 75% of the site and I am not interested in reruns. Also do most chicks really only masturbate once or twice a week? Anyone got some weird stories?

One day at lunch a kid told the table that he cut a slit in a loaf of bread and fucked it, and he recommended that we all try it. I might have waited five minutes when I got home before I cut a hole in a lucky loaf and went at it. Unfortunately it couldn't handle me and it crumbled around my cock, so I threw that slut bread out and finished myself off to my trusty Microsoft word printed pictures of Anna Nicole Smith. Those were beyond fucking gross by the time I threw them out, they had stains of combinations of vaseline and cum all over them. Sick shit thank god for laptops.

Please name those sites, I need new ones. If we could keep the cocks to one or two a page that would be great, this thread will already be gay enough we don't need that shit.

Post in this thread and I'll tell you what I think of you

Haven't had one of these in awhile.

:whocares? Don't post in the thread. You post, you get rated.

Niners shit the bed

Completed down to the two with 45 seconds left and you can't pull it off, epic fail.

Throw the fucking ball, Shaun Hill is God.

Who should secret pro stake next?

I'm voting 408, would make the funniest thread imo, if not him then heeb.

Guy comes up to your car door at an intersection

He says "Hey Homie I think you should eat a double cheeseburger from a leading fast food chain. I meant right now motha fucka." *points gun at face*

The town you are in has three options. What ya got?

Wendy's



McDonald's



Burger King's