COMMERCE SESSION #3: "Looks like the retards are getting lucky tonight!"

So my last two sessions at the Commerce 9/18 LHE tables were frightfully profitable, which is great and all but at the same time I really felt like I owed it to myself to see if I could pull off a trifecta, especially since I could buy in for just under a full rack on last nights profits alone, so really it was something of a zero risk proposition.

Plus I wanted one of those mocha slushie deals, those things are kinda sex.

So I head out at around 9:15, arrive at 9:35ish, grab a slushie and get my rack.

I sit down and post from the CO and take in the table.

This is not the clown show I was expecting.

This time the Asians were much, much sharper. None of the usual lol limitments type dogshit was going to be getting shown down here, like the dude last night who chased a backdoor heart draw with Jc8h on a Kc4c6h flop (he got there btw).

These Asians were of the no-nonsense variety and played very strong, very straight forward poker.

To my immediate left sat two of them; mid 40's to mid 50's, discussing hands in english often and basically shattering my sterotype of the typical Commerce gambooler.

Three seats from me sat a bald white guy who was at least twice my body mass (mostly muscle) with tons of very shitty tats. To his left was another 3 Asian tags, with an older black dude next to them and between me and him, an elderly Chinese player with strange, faded graffiti on the backs of his wrists. I didnt get a good look at it but if I had to guess Id say it was probably some weird Navy shit.

Anyway I manage to lose half my chips in like the first 20 minutes calling raises with middle suited connectors and folding to hostile flops, getting my ace outkicked, so on and so forth, so I finally decide to unleash the power of irony and raise 3h2h in the CO.

Fold to The Big Honkey who 3 bets.

I put him on either AK or more likely a big pair. Silly honkey, dont you see me raising? I call instead of 4 betting because I feel bad for him.

Flop is Qc4h2d. I decide to set my trap, sfo.

He bets, and I simply call, no big deal.

Turn is a 6c. Check to Pillsbury Doughboy's convict dad, he bets, and I call, because I know this isnt going to turn out well for him.

River is....




...3s.


I check and he bets. I immediately announce raise. I can actually feel the temperature rise at the table as he calls.

I announce two pair and show down the greatest hand ever.

He open mucks aces.

I laugh in sympathy and say "Wow! Dude, I am the worst. I am the worst player ever. Sorry man."

And he basically loses it.

"WHAT? DONT SAY YOURE SORRY, DONT YOU FUCKING SAY YOURE SORRY!!! YOURE *NOT* SORRY!!!!"

I try to talk him down, "Hey, look, really, I apologize if I was rude, I was just trying to keep it friendly."

"WELL YOU *ARE* BEING RUDE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU THINK I HAVE???"

I couldnt resist.

"I put you on AK!"

"FOR FUCKS SAKE ARE YOU SERIOUS? IM GOING TO 3BET YOU WITH AK??? LOOKS LIKE THE RETARDS ARE GETTING LUCKY TONIGHT."

I shut it down because its a long walk to my car at night and this guy actually looks like he might leap across the table and do some critical damage to my face before security could get there.

I guess the God's dug it regardless tho because I proceed to win another 3 pots in a row, rivering a flush in a 3 way pot (more disgusted mucking and outright resentment from old negro and gambooly Asian TAG next to him), turning a gutshot for a broadway straight, and rivering a gutshot with 9c3c defended from the big blind on a Th2c6s4c5h board.

So basically I had played for less than 45 minutes and was up a rack.

Shortly thereafter, the big honkey gets up to call his AA sponsor or whatever and suddenly a few of other Asians disappear for their requisite bi-hourly smoke breaks and next thing you know the table is 5 handed and although me and the younger Asian TAG to my right want to joust short handed, the older members of the table demure, so I rack up about 45 minutes after I sat down, up $267.

So you know, 3 good runs in 3 sessions. I seeeeeriously doubt this is sustainable of course, but there is absolutely no point in not finding out at this point. Once I busto a rack Ill probably cool my jets on poker again but for the time being, shit is on like donky kong.

Also, a middle aged Chinese woman was scoping me out from another 9/18 table. This has profoundly exciting implications, and my cock was quick to inform me that I dig Chinese milfs.

Just an FYI.

COMMERCE 9/18 LHE TRIP REPORT II: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO

OKokoookokokko OBV I abide by The Poll and get all dolled up to play some cyards around 10pm. I wisely reconsidered the turtleneck and threw on my Extra Faggoty Barry Greenstien 2+2 Lol Donkaments shirt and bagged a sweatshirt just in case, and by 10:15pm I was pulling onto the ramp to hit 110.

And immediately see a literal sea of tail lights. Yeah guess I didnt really consider that Im in LA and 10:15pm is basically still rush hour.

Obv I am terrified its an omen but I soldier on, and once I get on I-5 or whatever shit starts to move and lo and behold, Im pulling into the Commerce parking lot by 10:25.

Is nice.

Park and stumble in looking like a fat Ted Kazinski and am confronted with no less than 7 names on the list for 9/18 LHE. I gets on and ask about 6/12 stud, sfo. Not spread. 4/8 stud is spread. I decide to snag a big slushy mocha and read some faggotshit poker magazine, despite having a biography on Takeshi Miike in my bag. I mean, the way I see it, I look alarming enough as it is, why crack open a book with a picture of an Asian girl wielding a huge syringe on the cover to make things worse?

Maybe 10 minutes later I start hearing the classic "Will 9/18 players PLEASE RETURN TO YOUR SEATS" mantra. Greaaaat. For fucks sake. A few minutes later they announce "Tran, your seat has been vacated and chips are at the front desk. Wong, your seat has been vacated and your chips are at the front desk. Cheng, your.." etc etc etc and then they start calling out names to fill the seats. After they blow through the first 3 names on the list with no takers I pack up and head over to the brush, and by the time I get there, they are calling my name.

BAM.

I sit down, and am confronted with a half empty table.

Its me, a fucking silver haired Iranian, a silver haired Armenian, an elderly Chinese cat, and some short young cat in a black t shirt and 2 racks in front of him, putting a hurting on what he later announced was his Kettel and lemon on the rocks.

He begins immediately laying into the dealer, Linda, for not starting the fucking game.

Linda looks amused. Im starting to see the kids argument.

Not even a chance of any cards getting spread tho, and for about 10 minutes I sit there in all my smouldering fury before finally announcing I am willing to pay pretty much any price to see some fucking cards.

Finally we get two more Asians with about 2 stacks of $3 chips each and we pick our cards to determine the button and start to play.

I fold a few shitty hands then defend Kh6h from the BB against silver haired Armenian.

Flop is Qc4h4s, with obv like 5 people checking it around.

Turn is a Qh and suddenly I start wondering if no one has a Q or 4.. Armenian puts in a continuation bet (one street too late homey) and I call because the pot is getting kinda huge and I seriously suspect Im up against ace high in at least 2 spots.

I call and 3 to the river; 7h.


I lead out and get called by Armenian with ace high. Flush is good and Im up about 1.5 stacks suddenly.

Next hand, my little drunk friend raises in EP and I defend my SB with QJo and, obv, see another 5 way pot.

Kc9s4d

Obv because this is the Commerce *the flop gets checked around*.

Turn: Ts

This time, Drunky leads out with 2 callers, then I raise. Fold to Drunky, who reraises. Fold to me. At this point I suspect its a chop but he could just be on a spade draw with a redraw to broadway straight or some shit so I RR and he caps it.

River is a superbrick, like a 6d, and he leads out. I raise superobv and he mutters something about knowing it when I table nuts.

Huuuuuge pot, retaaaahhhhhded play, and now Im up like, 3.5 stacks or something.

Things got a little weird then, like I had one of those stretches where I would fold garbage pre-flop and regret it.

I folded Jc7s, flop was J8J.

Next hand, literally, fold Qd6d in EP, flop is QQK.

And both times I would have taken down the pot.

So obv I try to loosen up and suddenly Im back down to about 1.5 stacks profit.

A few hands later I limp the button w/ QcTs in (yet another) multi-way pot and flop middle pair on a JdTd7h flop. I smooth call and turn a Q but its Qd and Drunky is getting very agro, raising an EP bet, which I call obv hoping to fill up. River is a 3d, putting four diamonds on board.

Check to me, I lead out, EP mutters and rage-mucks, and Drunky check-raises. I dont even bother to put on a show, I insta-muck and Drunky makes some comment about how I chickened out, and I just laugh and cop to it, hoping I can parlay that busted bluff into getting some bad value calls later on.

Anyway now Im down about half a stack and getting antsy. I make some pretty thin calls with low suited connectors and flop nothing but eventually take down a fairly moderate size pot with a 3h4h against older Asian guy #1 by semi-bluffing into a 7h7d8sQh turn, which he called, then I fired a second barrel at a 3d river which he folded to after much consideration, putting me back up about half a stack.

Shortly thereafter I raised jacks on the button and got insta-called by Armenian in the BB. 77T flop, check to me, I bet and he asks me if I have a 7. I ask if I need a 7 and fire at a brick turn and river, getting called both times, and MHIG, which suprised me, because Armenian and Iranian seemed to be trying to settle some ancient tribal beef all night and were spite calling eachothers raises with any two cards, so 72o was totally in his defense range PF by then.

Around this time, a fairly dbaggy white kid with a HUSTLER baseball cap sits down with literally like the absolute minimum stack (whats up with minstacking hyper-lagtarded games? fucking moronic..).

He proceeds to get whittled down to nothing when Armenian proceeds to felt him like twice in a row by calling with literally any two cards and peeling to the river with bottom pair on incredibly scary boards.

I end up defending my BB with 75o to his raise and see a 4 way flop of J46. He bets his last 2 chips, I call as does MP old Asian guy.

Turn is a 5, old Asian bets and I call.

River is a 5.

Old Asian bets, I raise, he calls, MHIG, and honkey tries to take off the dealers knuckle "accidently" while mucking.

What the fuck is that btw? Why such abuse?

Anyway by now Im up almost 5 stacks. I promise to leave the table at either 5 stacks or 4 stacks. I fold TPTK on a T5385 river facing some very heavy action and get shown 3's full of fives by the SB and J5 by old Asian.

I demure when its my time to post and cash out, up $252, which is a damned fine score for about 2 hours worth of work.

I do plan on making a real effort to play that game more but lagtastic games like that can swing both ways, and I really am assuming that as well as Im playing, Im also ducking a lot of bullets, so one good gutting and Ill probably bounce from poker again until I have a solid enough paycheck to afford to fuck around in earnest at my whim.

But yeah, mos def will be back there soon enough.

And thanks to all of those who convinced me to head over tonight btw. Really glad I didnt spend another night watching Whatever, Martha! and inhaling thai food. That shit is fine on occasion but its to be avoided as a lifestyle probably.

As-salaam alaikum.

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