Most unintentional embarrassing moment

Figured the forum could use a laugh that didn't involve one of the old school scammers coming back and cursing at everyone.

Ok, here in sunny Orlando, every year at Epcot they have a food and wine festival. Lots of food, booze and fun. My friends and I always try to gather as many people as we can to go in a huge group. Last year we were about 40 people strong.

As soon as we get there I do my normal thing. Ya see, I'm pretty lazy, well ok, really lazy, and I smoke alot. So the first thing I do is go rent an electric wheelchair, you know one of those hoveround things. I love it, gives me a place to keep my extra packs of smokes, and I get to drive around the park drunk.

This year I knew about half of the crowd, who knows that I get this thing every year. Well the other half sees me pull up and start laughing and mocking me. I explain to them that in about three hours we'll all be drunk and they'll be begging me for a ride, or to sit in my lap, but tough shit. I tell them they should all get one and we could be a gang. They continue to mock me.

So a few hours go by, we're having a blast, everybody's getting loaded and the fun is flying. One of the new people I met that day was a guy named Reggie, really cool guy. Reggie had burn marks up and down both arms, but I didn't ask and he didn't tell. Well anyway, Reggie asks if he can get a ride on my hoverround. I tell him he had a chance to get one earlier and to take a hike.

A few more hours pass, and by this time we're really loaded. Another friend of mine comes up to me and asks me what I think about Reggie. I reply that Reggie's a solid guy, seems very cool. Bob tells me yeah he really is, also a Desert Storm veteran. I respond, wow that's really awesome. He then tells me Reggie's a double amputee victim, both legs, above the knees.

Holy Christ on a handglider....I just turned down a legless veteran for a ride on a wheelchair I don't need. Yep, that pretty much makes me the biggest asshole on the planet.

Welp, that's mine, what's yours?

Cliff notes: blah blah blah, don't read it then.

Swagger's tale, or a lesson in humility.

Ok, as luck has it, I came off as mildy entertaining and a certain few asked me to post more, here goes.

Forgive me, I'm drunk, and not a very good writer, so I'll do the best I can, if you need cliff notes, or
just want to criticize, I'm skipping the cliff notes, and I enjoy going at it.

I've played poker all my life, I was taught at 6 by my Grandmother, a bridge prodigy. I always admired my uncle, a professional poker player and bracelet holder, until I grew older and became aware of what a degenerate he was and the effect it had on his family. Poker then wasn't near the shiny, easy, honest game it is now.

In 1999 I sold a successful business for far less than it was worth. For two years I dicked around and partied like a rock star, threw some raves and got laid alot and never gave much of a shit for what was to come.

Two years later I was living with my girlfriend who I had finally convinced to leave her husband. Yeah, I was a shitball. Even worse I discovered a game called Everquest. Fuck, I rocked at that game. It was a perfect test of strategy, personal skills and the ability to work within a group, that required eight hours a day and paid not a fucking dime. Well being one of the chosen soon lost it's interest, and the guild I was in became much more of a job than owning my own business had been. During my raid dodging hours I started playing freerolls on Truepoker, and then started winning.

Well shit, I had played video games for 8 to 16 hours a day for free, and all of the sudden I could play for a few hours and make money. Soon enough, I
had deposited money and was doing quite well at the tourneys on TruePoker. A friend of mine told me there was this new site, it sucked but the fish were abundant, even more so than at True, it was called Royal Vegas Poker, and he said I should throw a hundred on there and see what happens.

Late 2002, poker blows the fuck up. Some chump named Moneymaker who couldn't beat a $5/10 limit table won millions, holy Christ donks were flowing faster than termites in a log cutting competition. Not many of you will remember these days, but pokersites used to throw tournaments that were so sickeningly +ev that they were hard to pass up. RVP had $11 buy in tournaments with a 10K guarantee with less than 400 entrants.

I'm not going to bullshit you and tell you I was even close to the best. However, I was finishing final tables in almost 40% of the tournaments I entered. Soon enough I was making more than I ever had as a business owner. I tried cash games, but truthfully I bled money at them, I and most of the poker world were woefully inept at decent play. Theory of Poker was out at that time, and I read it and learned it, but didn't apply it nearly as well as I should have. In truth, it was unnecessary, with a little TAG play and some patience, the tournies then were easy to beat. I made a decent living.

Later, through alot of learning and alot of practice I learned cash games. Then the true boom hit, I found off sites, CD poker and the Ipoker network specifically. More importantly, I found fish, and I'm not talking about the fish you run into at a $10 buy in tourney or $3/6 limit table. I found rich fish, I found fish who didn't know hand rankings and were playing $30/60 and later $50/100 limit. I was pulling down $2 to $12k a day. By some miracle this lasted for about a year.

I did some fantastic things, remodleled my house, went Europe, went to Japan, and basically partied like you see many of the successful young poker youth party now. What I didn't do, was save shit outside of my bankroll. Then our govt decided that we were all potential terrorists and temporarily stole all our money. Like an overgrown child, I hadn't saved a thing. The life of Swag was about to take a huge dive.

When I finally got my money back, I decided, fuck this, I'm going legit. I sunk my entire bankroll into a home automation business for high end homes. Well shit, that went pretty horrible, the housing market bombed, I put my money in with a friend who as a friend I had tons of faith in, as a business partner he's a total failure. 50k+ down, no income for 8 months and a whole world of humility later, I've learned a great deal.

I play $1/2 limit now, I'm rebuildling, slowly. I play tournaments I believe I have value in. Where a year ago I'd throw 1k at a tournament knowing I wasn't a favorite in, I'd never consider it now, but I enjoy every bit of it.

Now, I'm in a partnership that writes screenplays and we're working on a book. I have a few other businesses, nothing major and income is a hard thing to come by, I hustle for everything I have now.

I'm fucking rambling, I guess my lesson is, when things are good, save, they're never good forever. One day you can be flying first class around the world, dropping thousands on a good night of drinking, and the next, loving the fact that the double cheesy beef burrito is the best value in America.

Use some common sense, just because you're a big name today doesn't mean you're sharkscope of next year won't embarrass you, and nobody, nobody remembers yesterday's big deal. Keep learning, the day you stop is the day you're done. The kids now days have learned in a limited time much more than I have in a lifetime.(edit: pokerwise) If you want to be the best, learn from the best and don't ever stop.

On a good note, broke and I hang, we have great convesations, for right now we're tight, but soon, we'll drift apart again til next time.

CLIFF NOTES: Read it or don't.

Trolls: Have a blast, but extrapolation without introspection is masterbation.

Oh right, to make this not a blog, feel free to ask questions, if I feel energetic enough I'll answer.