If you want to enjoy this story you really have to read it. Think about the situation and then beat off/finger off to it.
So I am in the capital of Scotland, Edinburgh supping a number of "cold" lagers and watching some comedy during the Festival. For those of you not educated enough to know what that is and for all the americans, the Festival is the Edinburgh International Festival, a programme of comedians and every other sort of folk I fucking hate (artists, actors/theatre types/street performers). Anyways spent the day hoovering pots and ended up watching Jim Jefferies, a very abusvie Austrailian comic ("facking cant").
So had been on the bevvy all day and eventually got the train (yes anywhere bar the americas the train is an excellent form transport) home and went to my local to finish myself off. Get into my local and look in the corner and see some old fucking haggered slag obviously completely out of her face. Assuming that either a. she was dead or b. she was about to have the greatest 12 seconds of her life I decided I had to speak to the women next to her.
Turns out the slags next to her were her fucking carers. This old bitch was 83 and was basically headed for a casket within the year. They had brought her out for a big night out as it could be her last. Very thoughtful. Lets bring this drugged up 83 year old to a pub with more atmosphere than a Carrico Comedy show. Anyways, less about the old death bed bitch and more about the slags that were looking after her. Turns out they were down from Edinburgh to my small town just for a week long job and were bored as fuck.
Boredom is definitely solvable with my 3 inch pecker so obviously I go to work on giving them some of the worst banter ever heard since ScottyNo got into a room with a girl with a pulse. Anyways these two girls seem keen even without the ryhipnol so I tell them me and my friend will be up at the old slags house in about an hour for some drinks. No problem. Ideal. So we go up to this 83 year olds house which is basically like a static trailer. First question I ask "where is Irene (the old slag)", quick answer "she is fucked we gave her double medication". Ideal. I have an old whore lying like a fucking skydiving accident in her bed drugged out her face and her two carers keen as fuck on half a mouthful. Life could not be sweeter.
Anyways we get talking to these two whores and I realise (seriously had not noticed up till now) has one of the biggest sets of cans I have ever seen, when I looked at her chest it was like two puppies were fighting in a bag. This girl obviously has a face like a burst sofa and I can tell by the look on my friends face and the fact I never get a ride anyways that those two titties are going to have my face in them shortly. So the other friend who is a little skinny freak and a bit fucked up just grabs my mate and drags him to her room.
Weirdest situation in my life. I have the biggest tits of my life infront of me with a face smiling that was a cross between a squirrell and an elephant and my mate has scored the tight bodied bird and is banging fuck out of her in the room right next to the drugged up 83 year old and for cheek was even slamming the headboard. What does a good player do... Ask for a tour of her room. We go to her room and she hears her friend getting ruined by my mates baby's arm and I can tell by the look on her fucking mask for a face that the moment is over. I get a beer sit in the living room wait for my friend to finish his business and we leave.
26 Jul 2009 - 15:53
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