Drunk and stoned and I feel like ranting. Even if noone reads all this shit.
I was taught to play cards by my dear sweet southern grandmother when I was 7 years old. I can recall playing a game called Pitty-Pat. Grandma would grab the jar of pennies from atop the dresser. Bust out the Bee playing cards, and me, my siblings and Grandma would gamble hours away while the pennies would exchange every which way during the betting rounds. Although no money was kept by the winner, and eventually all money would be returned to the original jar, there would be a sense of self pride in squashing your family members in a penny ante game, even though no actual money was won.
Now onto the 7th grade. I was taught this game called 5 card draw always with a few wildcards thrown in. During the wintertime, during recess (when we couldn’t go outside because of a few feet of snow) and during study hall and before school, my friends and I would play our version of what we thought was correct 5 card draw. Real money was gambled, and I cant remember the exact stakes, no-one would but lose more than $3-$5. Mostly gambled our lunch money. I still remember us often arguing which suit beats which suit when similar hands were shown down. (example: you both have Ace high flushes and there would always be an argument over if a hearts flush would beat a spade flush) we were too young to know the correct rules and obv. not taking into account the kickers. All in all we still played according to our modified rules. This “in school” game lasted about a month until teachers somehow got word and playing cards in school was banned. Good times though.
Fast forward 7-8 years later. From the mid 90s up until late 90s we had our weekly home poker games. Not the type of poker games you see today’s casinos and home games. We didn’t know about Hold-Em, or PLO and the term “No limit” never crossed our minds. Deal would be rotated and it would always be “Dealers choice” Although stakes were low. IIRC 25c-50c one could possibly win or lose maybe $50-$150 playing games such as:
Baseball, - (3s and 9s) were wild and with a 4 you can buy and extra card for a buck
Follow the Queen - Stud game which Queens are wild and whatever card was dealt next would also be wild
Chicago - and Low Chicago - A game shown in the Movie “Rounders” where High (or low) spade in the hole would get half the pot
5 card Draw Jacks or better to open - 5 card draw, everyone would ante up but you had to have a pair of Jacks or better to open betting - If noone had it. Then money would stay in the pot. Everyone would re-ante, and another round was dealt
And my personal favorite - “7 card stud, roll your own, Jacks and Low card in the hole are wild, last card down with a burn” ß That was actually the name of that particular game. Figure that one out if you can
5 of a kind would be the best hand in most of these games (due to wildcards) - even if you had 1 ace and 4 wildcards you had 5 aces and scooped up the pot.
Everyone brought beer and Marley joints would be passed around the table. (a lot of times 3 Joints at the same time getting passed around.)
The night would always end with a game called acey-deucey - or “In between” Then the hardcore gamblers (mostly stuck people) would then end the night by cutting cards for various amounts of money.
When someone would run out of money - IOU slips of paper would be passed around - and always settled later, and everyone got wasted and always had a good time.
Then the movie “Rounders” came out and a few years later Moneymaker wins Main event and then all of a sudden “friendly games” would become a thing of the past. Everyone wanted to be a TV pro. People would start playing internet poker, action would get larger. Regular home games would be replaced by Illegal card rooms that literally rake $20-$50 out of a $100-$500 pot. Idiots would wear hat and sunglasses during a $1-2 or $2-5 game, emulate the TV pros and shout lines like “I can dodge bullets baby!” upon winning a pot.
Living in a place where there are no casinos without taking an airplane, and if you have the itch to play live this is the only option available to me nowadays. These low limit $1-$2 $2-$5 and sometimes $5-$10 “home games” (if you still want to call them that, with the 10-20% rake) are the ONLY option if you want to play live in my town and has become no fun whatsoever. What used to be a fun game among friends has now turned into a bunch of shady characters, some drunk stupid fucks that you don’t know at every game, Tatted out agro monsters banging the table upon losing a pot wheather it be $50 or $750. Borrowing money from “the house” that obviously has “connections” ….Morons “running it twice” just because they see it on HSP and get mad if you don’t want to. Idiots yelling “FUUUUUCK” at the top of their lungs when they lose a pot. Douchebags taking a $1-$2 or $2-$5 game too seriously, so there is not much joking around. People calling "Time" and holding out for 5 minutes before they fold in a $1-$2 game. Clock being called and arguments all over the place every fucking time. Owners of the game concealing weapons just in case the game gets robbed (I’m grateful to never have been a part of that) Also due to the super high rake and everyone knowing at least basic strategy of No Limit Holdem these games are practically unbeatable over the long run and just no fun now. I also forgot to mention the fear of being strong armed robbed on your way out by the 250-300lb Samoan with obv. jail tats all up and down his arms.(glad that hasn’t happened yet personally, but I have heard stories about the game I used to frequent.)
Point of this whole rant is, that I always still have the itch to play live poker, but with limited options the hassle is not worth the possible reward. What used to be a fun game amongst friends has now turned into a tension filled d-bag ridden environment. Maybe its just the town I live in. I got to move back to Vegas.
Thanks for reading 10000maniacs rant of the week.
24 Sep 2009 - 19:15
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